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Thai-Disco Airways

27 Jul

We survived another 20-hour travel day, all thanks to the awesome service from Thai-Disco Airways. At least that’s that new name of the airline we flew…  Continue reading

Looking for the short end of the stick?

17 Jul

Don’t worry – I have it. I swore I would never do it again, and now I have to… twice. Continue reading

The best laid plans…

5 Jun

With our introduction to two-dom, the East Side Plinkas are becoming mommy’s little helpers. TwinXY is obsessed with the hand-vac and TwinXX likes to organize yellow toys and wipe things with towels or towel-like objects. It was these little hearts of pure intention from which today’s terror originated. Continue reading

Buyer’s Remorse

1 Jun

Several years ago, when I bought my beloved Audi TT Convertible (brokenhearted sniff), I did so while saying, “This is the last car I will buy before children, so it needs to be worth it.” I loved that car. When I found out we were expecting a mere 18 months later, I investigated and discovered that I could, in fact, disable the passenger airbag. Living in a mountain town of 20,000 residents and virtually no traffic accidents, I found myself justifying keeping the car. I was so clever!

Until my eight week check up, Continue reading

UFO Sightings in China

26 May

In recent months, there have been a number of UFO sightings in and around China, even shutting down the main airport in Shanghai. Now, I believe, there is hard evidence of alien visitation right here in Hong Kong. It happened in the middle of the night some time last week. Continue reading

Hong Kong’s newest gang: The East Side Plinkas

4 May

My kids are bullies.

OK. They are not yet two years old so malice is not exactly built into their psycho-social development and patterning, but they are still bullies, if only by (virtue of) their numbers. Most kids are singletons, meaning (I assume) that they spend most of their time playing alone or with a yielding parent/older sibling. They may attend a daycare situation where they play with other children of similar age, but they maintain a sense of me vs. (or with) them. When I watch singletons play, I observe two main types: the “Yay! A buddy!” type and the awful, bratty type (you know the one… selfish, whiney, generally with a snotty nose, and never quite as cute as the mother is convinced they are). Then there are mine. They need theme music. And their own gang symbol. Everyone knows when the East Side Plinkas arrive. No, you will not enter the play cottage, play with the tiny kitchen, or with any of the dishes, because WE are. Want to play “car” with the steering wheel next to the slide? You can play when WE decide you may and/or only if WE don’t want to. And by we, I mean if TwinXX is playing kitchen and some other kid wants to come over and play too, one squeal and TwinXY is running over to defend her honor, strategically placing his full body mass between said other child and whatever toy TwinXX wants. It is actually really funny to watch because he refuses to make eye contact and acts like the other child simply doesn’t exist. She will gladly reciprocate. Oh, you were riding on the toy car? How can you not give it up to that cute little girl following you around (and staring you down). Cool, thanks. She hops on, drives straight over to TwinXY and gives him the car. You see, with this type of tag-team effort, they can monopolize the majority of the playhouse. Or the playroom. Or the playground.  Or anything they decide to.

Oh sorry. You want to play with the stove in the club house? Think again.

 

Another pair of b/g twins… maybe we could use some 4-year-old muscle?

Their solidarity is sweet and funny to watch… and somewhat embarrassing. You can only say, “No, no, no. Share.”, “Let him play with the sink, too”, “Let her play with the one you aren’t playing with” so many times before you sound like a complete lunatic. For now, I am patient, hoping this is ‘just a stage’ and that they grow out of it by three. Or high school. Otherwise – I hope Hong Kong, and the World are ready…

Others need not apply…

28 Mar

I have Mother of the Year locked down.

In the last month I have:

  1. Lost a child in an elevator
  2. Allowed a child to fall down the stairs
  3. Was present when a friend lost a child in downtown Hong Kong
  4. Fed my children Mc Donald’s 4 times
  5. And now…

I have a strange compulsion to buy those miniature bottles of booze that they keep at the checkout of the liquor store. It all started when I had this insane a-hole of a boss who was so tight with expenses that anything pricier than the dollar menu at Taco Bell was coming out of my own pocket. So, I started buying the mini bottles for my luggage because truly – he drove me to drink. Anyway, I haven’t worked for him for years, but I still compulsively buy them and keep them around. They are a fun way to try the weird stuff (like coco-watermelon vodka) without committing to an entire bottle, and they come in handy when you run out of everything else.

…And now I have discovered invented the best boo boo treatment ever! Noooooo – I didn’t booze my kid up, though I know that is what many of you are thinking… I keep some of these little bottles in the freezer, for obvious reasons. Tonight, we had a typical ‘run away from Mommy and run my head into the wing of the toy airplane’ moment, complete with big swollen goose-eggie eyebrow. Now typically, I would rush for ice, except that the kids hate it and always squirm away because it is either too cold or too wet or too whatever. (Also, my Macallan calls for a cube, and there were only three left in the tray.) Then I thought, I might try the Chinese egg trick from my previous post, but the injury wasn’t severe enough to justify waiting 8 minutes to hard boil one. I needed something now. I needed something cold. I needed… Aquavit! I pulled out a little frozen bottle, wrapped it in a paper towel and pressed it to his boo boo. Amazing. It was cold enough to be effective, the little concave bottom fit right over the lump, the smooth rounded surface was excellent for applying pressure and smoothing away the swelling, AND no dripping. No squirming. He loved it and just laid there and let me play nurse. If the injury were worse, I could drink it as soon as the trauma drama was over. Perfect in every way. So, I am coining my new remedy: Boo Booze, invented by Mother of the Year.

 

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