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Geographically Single

15 Jul

I have been introduced to a new term – “geographically single”. It very accurately describes the left-at-home spouses who have mates in the military, are pilots, or have travelling jobs that keep them away more than 50% of the time. I think fire-fighter spouses should be included, too, but arguing who qualifies for this unique title is not the point. The point is, if your partner is a workaholic, but you don’t need to consider what time zone they are in before you call them, you don’t really get it. Captain has just returned from an extended trip; he was home 7 non-consecutive days in nine weeks. Continue reading

Does this guy get paid by the character???

30 Jun

This building has 24 floors…

The best laid plans…

5 Jun

With our introduction to two-dom, the East Side Plinkas are becoming mommy’s little helpers. TwinXY is obsessed with the hand-vac and TwinXX likes to organize yellow toys and wipe things with towels or towel-like objects. It was these little hearts of pure intention from which today’s terror originated. Continue reading

The Mother of all days

9 May

For any woman married to a technophile/engineer type… I feel your pain. Although he is absolutely brilliant at spontaneous displays of appreciation and romance, and celebratory events for no particular reason, Captain has been notoriously bad at requisite celebrations and holidays – Valentines, birthdays, Christmas… and my first two Mother’s Days. Seven months pregnant with twins, a fundal height of 52cm, and no longer capable of either sleeping longer than two hours or getting myself in or out of a car, he stated so matter-of-fact-ly, “You aren’t  a mother yet.” The next year (with a look of genuine confusion)… “You aren’t my mother.” (Yes, I considered dosing his spaghetti.) Needless to say, this year, my expectations were low. Which is why, when a month ago  Continue reading

The Double Standard… and parenting.

18 Apr

Wow. Two weeks since my last post. Let me apologize… it has been madness here, and frankly, not all that interesting. My days are filled with shopping for outrageously priced groceries, tandem potty training, attempting to buy furniture so we can finally get fully unpacked, and working on “the project”. Mark Zuckerberg, I am not. Suffice it to say that I am on the obstacle course of entrepreneurship with a broken leg and no course map. I am however, still racing, and will drag myself across the finish line by my pinky fingers alone if I have to.

To comment on the following… I am quite late, but relevant, and I feel I need to say my peace. Last September, some of you may remember, TwinXX had a pretty major abdominal surgery. Do you remember what a hard time we had with scheduling? We kept getting bumped because of the psychologically tormented “crowding operating rooms with procedures to grotesquely amputate body parts”. Do you remember that? No? Yeah, I don’t either.

On April 11, Dr. Keith Ablow published a rant against a J. Crew ad on FoxNews.com. I am publicly declaring that I find Dr. Keith Ablow’s idiocy as offensive as if he had written a rant against “coloreds sharing the water fountain” or giving women The Vote, the latter of which really wouldn’t surprise me now.

His unfounded cause and effect (il)logic  as well as his crazed and baseless declarations of fact and fiction make me wonder if, in fact, it was he who neglected to take his internet-procured Prozac.

TwinXX… she is probably too much like her mother. It is actually a bit creepy. She is only 22 months old, but I can already see a headstrong, independent, opinionated, I-will-do-it-myself-and-I-don’t-want-help young lady/dare-devil emerging. She likes purple… and black. She has just started selecting her own clothes and bringing them to me when she is ready to get dressed. I thought it was so cute when she discarded her shiny, pink, light up tennis shoes and demanded her brother’s black and red ones instead. Why not? It is what I might have done. My favorite shoes when I was little, I literally called my “Daddy Shoes” because to me they resembled his work shoes. They were a  brown loafer/laced shoe, probably intended for boys, but I picked them out myself and loved them dearly. I also collected Hot Wheels, played soccer, loved horror movies, monsters,  and pretty much anything creepy crawly. And Black. Never Pink. Ever. (Although recently I have given the color a second chance and actually like it in the right circumstances.)

TwinXY, on the other hand, stole his sister’s first doll when he was only 6 months old and she is still his night-night baby. He is emotional and has been from birth; he is approval seeking, extremely particular about everything, and sooooo sensitive. He loves the piano – children’s versions of which we have only found in three different shades of pink. Hmmm, choices. Support his innate love of the instrument or deny him because it is pink? What kind of question is that? And, he like to steal TwinXX’s clothes. Last month, it was her hoodie with which he was obsessed.

Meanwhile, you couldn’t get her out of his:

This month, they are trading sun hats. What it will be next month, I don’t know. Actually, I don’t care, except that I am sure to find it equally cute and amusing.

They are also both currently addicted to earmuffs, even though it is crazy hot outside.

Oh no! Perhaps I should deny them salmon for fear they will experience cultural confusion and grow up to be Eskimos?

All being said, and despite my despicable parenting supporting my children in their eccentricities, TwinXX is a dance-y girlie girl who LOVES her dresses and TwinXY is rough-and-tumble and ALL BOY. My children are who they are, just as I am who I am, and I will continue to love and support them in growing up to be accepting, thoughtful, productive, and gracious members of society regardless if they are Eskimos or not.

In summary, Dr. Ablow is making a CRITICAL (and incorrect) assumption: previous generations’ habit of cramming children and people into pre-determined “boxes” and molds of social acceptance did not prevent “psychological penalty”. Without that assumption, his article has no foundation (convoluted and crack-pot as it may be).

Dr. Ablow – leave us now. Collect your supporters, find an island where you can all strive to be just like one another, and don’t ever come back. I do not want your brand of hatred, of judgement, of small-mindedness, polluting public consciousness and inhibiting the growth of the global human spirit. You are what is wrong with America. Shame on you.

Acclimated? Not quite…

4 Apr

I like to learn something new every day. Yesterday, I learned that I need to pack an entire wardrobe for the three of us anytime we leave the house.

We had a playdate. I was very excited because it was only our second playdate ever and it was with a local mom, not an Expat. I was really hoping to make a good impression as an American, and saw it as my first opportunity to make a local friend and really immerse myself in the culture. I did everything I knew to do:

First, I checked the weather. Looking out the window, it looked like this:

 

I thought we might need to relocate our playdate to an indoor location, but the forecast called for slightly overcast, dry weather and a high of 25. Having grown up in the US, I am still trying to wrap my head around what 25 is. I know that 0 is the freezing point and that 40 is pretty darn hot, so 25 sounds OK. I pulled out my handy units converter to discover that 25 Celsius is roughly 77 Fahrenheit. Sounds like great weather for the park, right? I packed sweaters and jackets just in case and off we went!

Next, we showed up 15 minutes early – a MAJOR accomplishment considering we stopped for lunch on the way and it is just over a 2 mile walk to the park. And, let’s face it – me getting anywhere on time is an accomplishment. Yay me!

Admittedly, I may have over-dressed the twins slightly for jungle-gyming, but I wanted them to be cute for the playdate. The Mom and I actually met over camera-talk and she never goes anywhere without hers. If I know pictures will be happening, of course I am going to make sure they are dessed presentably.

 

We arrive at the park and the kids start to play. Mine, having a complexion somewhere between peaches n’ cream and marshmallow are slathered in SPF 50, giving their skin a lovely titanium dioxide gleam. I can see little sweaty drips forming along their hairline and become quite concerned that they really need their hats. Check. I have hats.

I also notice that they are pink… no… red (clearly not from sun as they are glowing in SPF). I checked the temp again. 25 Celsius, still. It literally felt like it was 100 Fahrenheit (whatever that might be in C, I don’t care… HOT). Playdate Mom is making repeated comments about how hot the kids look, and discussing how next time we might plan to meet at an indoor location. She looks fine. Her little girl seems comfortable. Meanwhile, I am dripping sweat, my hair is getting stringy and damp, and my tank top is clinging in places it shouldn’t. I have already dumped my cardigan. Funny, I thought. My concern was that I wouldn’t be warm enough. Fantastic impression we must be making – I just hope I don’t smell. Perhaps we are simply not acclimated from our snowy, alpine home. Or maybe – it was just really freakin’ HOT.  The kids look as if they are about to have heat-stoke despite drinking an entire liter of water. I search in my bag for a solution. I have the usual supplies: snacks, socks, diapers, etc. I have extra sweaters. I have rain-proof jackets. No tanks. No tees. Did you see the picture above??? I resort to the only solution I can think of, knowing that letting the kids run around with no shirts is completely out of the question in this culture. This is how I came to be at the park with Billy-Bob and Bernice.

We made an impression, I am sure. One sweaty mommy and two glowing, shirtless bumpkins in bibs. Effing Americans.

April Fool’s!

2 Apr

I hope everyone enjoyed my April Fool’s post!

Now I would like to share my favorite of the day – The launch of the new Blackberry Dauntless. Enjoy!

 http://www.zdnet.com.au/rim-debuts-screenless-blackberry-339312385.htm?ocid=nl_TNB_01042011_fea_1

Y-Chrome? Because if we have to, they should, too.

1 Apr

I am so excited! A new company, Y-Chrome, has finally launched a cosmetic line for men!

Ladies, are you sick and tired of the double standard, spending your last pennies on lipgloss and mascara,  only to look across the table at a blotchy-faced, un-kempt browed, peely-lipped man? Y-Chrome delivers – movie-star good looks guaranteed! Check out this demo video and order your man a starter kit now!

http://www.dailycandy.com/all-cities/video/100445/Makeup-for-Men?refcd=email:543576:11

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